Stage #5: Unique
The ‘Unique’ stage is all about the new you going forward into your bright future. You have a fantastic opportunity to rebuild your life in the image of the dream you have always had for yourself – this is it! This is the moment! It’s here!!!!
About the ‘Unique’ stage
If you are at this stage you are fighting ready (albeit perhaps introvertedly so) to try on some different identity outfits; to see what life would look like if you embraced your new confidence and carved out a life that utterly suits, excites and inspires you. You have a firm understanding of yourself; closure, and recognition of the experiences that have shaped you; and tools in your life hand-bag of how to deal with emotions, issues, and challenges as they arise in life. You are now itching to paint your new life, with a new you that is an absolute triumph of a being. This is your stage, and that is what Unique is all about!
Have you ever found yourself changing for someone? Slowly making little compromises to fit in, or not upset anyone. Maybe it’s your parents, your friends, your workmates or your Ex? Sometimes this can happen so subtly you don’t even realise that the version of you now is so far removed from who you thought you would be as a child. The version that didn’t have any restrictions, and societal ideas of who you should be as a girl, then as a woman, as a female, as a daughter, as a good friend, as the perfect partner, the perfect employee, the perfect student, civilian, workmate, perhaps wife or mother…I mean, gees that’s a LOT of fricken hats – and kudos to you for taking them all on whether you wanted to or not. If you don’t believe me, just count the number of times you might unnecessarily say ‘sorry’ throughout the day to people…
Each one of those identities or roles we take on shapes our actions, our thoughts, and ultimately who we allow ourselves to be and what we allow ourselves to experience in this life. I’m totally on board for the reincarnation-train, but does that mean we can’t live our best life in this one too?! And particularly in the case of a romantic relationship, this is perhaps where our most damaging persona is taken up where we put on a facade of a non-clingy, non-emotional, ‘yeah that’s totally fine if you leave your sh#t everywhere and oh, what, you’re going to Vegas for a stag-party, that’s great…you have fun… I just want you to be happy boo-boo’ mess comes out.
We pretend things are ok when they’re not;
We absorb the life the other person loves because we want to show that we care;
And we fit into a persona they are looking for because we don’t want to be alone – this being, perhaps one of the most heartbreaking things to see; not because we try and make an effort; but we lose sight of the amazing person we already are.
Look, the world will not stop turning if you decide to embrace the life, behaviour, and actions you truly desire; it’s just that the pool of those who complement it becomes more defined, more niche, and far more suited to your world! This stage will help you to discover who you are at your core, possibly, and probably more than you had ever even thought about. Unique looks at the passions, dreams, and excitement you have always had for life that’s just underneath the surface who have been waiting to come out with gusto. Confidence and strength come from knowing who you are, and being completely, unapologetically yourself. Damn the haters; they have their own journey and so do you, and I would far rather be walking my own dream than someone else’s.
By the end of this stage, you will know exactly what direction to point your ship toward, you will understand the path you need to take, and the confidence to get there. This is an exciting stage! Thinking about what we actually want and who we really are, are challenging questions; but they will really help you in this phase and particularly moving through your recovery to implement your new life and learnings. It’s all happening, baby. Just open your mind and embrace the ride!
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