Stage #4: Order
This is the stage where we start wrangling in those pesky emotional rollercoasters, and feelings loops in order to get some boundaries in place and take back control!
About the ‘Order’ stage
At this stage, you will feel confident about maintaining a healing bubble of safety, while you kindly and patiently begin to bring forward the issues and emotions that ail you. Order is the stage where you will now begin to organise your mind, thoughts, and life so that going forward you don’t have kamikaze emo attacks at Kmart or your work desk, or in bed in the middle of the night. You will have control, and YOU will determine the rules.
Calming emotions can be like herding cats; yes we need these furry buggers but bloody hell do they wreak havoc on our lives when they want to. It can seem absolutely impossible, but like most things with the right knowledge and techniques, it is completely do-able.
Having structure, go-to processes and sequences for yourself and the previously learned ability to understand what is happening at the time can really help you to manage difficult emotions, issues and situations as and when they present themselves because you essentially create a manual for what to do:
Panic-attacks can be grounded; angry reactions can be calmed and rationalised; loneliness and sadness can be redirected and replaced by reminding you of the bountiful upsides in your life. We all know this is difficult to do when challenges take us by surprise; but when we are ready for them, when we are prepared for the possibility, God damn we become powerful.
Now, I’m not talking about taking emotions and squashing them down out of sight, or steeling ourselves with emotional walls ten-feet thick so that no one will EVER hurt us again…No, I’m talking about strategy, literally ‘Step 1, Step 2, Step 3’, ‘do this, then this, then that’, so that whatever happens, you have some amount of preparedness to help you through the issue:
Having a recipe works for making muffins, having an instruction pamphlet helps with an Ikea bookcase…marginally, and having a manual for what to do in an emergency helps if your plane is in trouble. In all of these cases having an understanding of the procedure, and a solid amount of practice means you will come out far better off than if you were having a stab in the dark as most of us do on our own after a breakup.
I love this stage because as much as I am a dreamer, I am also pragmatist, and I like to know that I can have a go-to process to follow to progress quicker, and to fall back on if things turn to sh#t!
As with all of these stages, they require an open mind, patience, and practice – so remember to take it at your own pace! When you have got the hang of it you will be well-equipped to take on the next stages where you can start to create your dream life!!!!
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