Stage #1: Haven
Hands-down this is the most important stage of the lot! This stage is centrally around your immediate environment and optimising it for the best healing possible…
About the ‘Haven’ stage
If you are in this stage you will often feel a sense of chaos, or not knowing where to begin. Either your breakup has just happened and that whirlpool of emotion is circling around you, or perhaps you are a few months (or even years) on and just feel stuck – not exactly devastated, but not exactly yourself either – it’s like you’re not moving forward. This stage gives you a solid foundation to start from and ensures you have safety and security around you as you kick-start your progress.
Now, what’s the first thing you get taught in First Aid? Make sure there’s no danger to you. Now, what that means for us is making sure that you are not in a situation where the impact can keep happening to you, whether that’s your breakup or any ties you may still have to that memory. Imagine trying to fix a burn when your hand is still near the fire, or trying to breathe when there’s smoke all around you – it’s just not gonna happen!
Like any kind of healing you need to ensure that the environment around you is not going to contribute further to whatever negative impacts you are feeling. Creating your own haven (both in your home and within your mind) allows for you to heal and grow without going two steps forward and a billion steps back!
There are three parts to a haven; physical, mental, and spiritual
The first part is the most important – making sure you are physically safe and secure. Getting away from an abusive environment is always your number 1 step, followed by having a roof over your head, food to eat, and enough money to survive. You cannot focus on healing properly if you do not have the basics, so if anything this should be your immediate priority.
Beyond the issue of physical safety is physical comfort; how can you improve your surroundings so that it is nurturing enough for you to focus on your healing?
Next is the psychological aspect; it is important to address your longer-term psychological and emotional strengthening eventually, but what can you enhance within your environment now to make it easier for yourself to heal? Are you still following your Ex’s social channels? Are you still hanging out with people with negative mindsets or who are low-key happy that you’ve broken up? Is your room so cluttered that you can hardly think?!
how can you improve your spiritual environment and safety…so often we feel negative or stale energy around us from our ex, our breakup, our lives or others that it works against us and everything we try to do. Clearing that energy provides the space for the positive flow of the universe to assist us and empower us to create the change we need.
Remember, our environment is not just our room or home, but everywhere we go. It’s our work, school, down the shops or over at friends. The pain we feel from a breakup doesn’t just live at home, so it’s about creating a haven of safety in and around us at all times.
Enhancing these three aspects of your haven so that you feel calm and safe will allow you to actually progress a lot easier; and set yourself up for success. That is when you can start to look at what is going on in your mind, and understand why you feel the way you do!
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